On the Ball

It's time to get that "birthing ball" out again.  OK, so some of you refer to it as and "exercise ball".  I, however have most likely not touched or used this piece of equipment since my last child was brought into this world (he is now six).  Oh, I am sure there was an moment or two that I spent on it when I decided to start some crazy exercise regimen.  And then thought better of it...five minutes later.

Sometimes, I can be so ambitious, I scare myself.  I would think nothing of tearing apart of room to either paint or rearrange.  Or taking some tools to hack away at some piece of furniture to manipulate it in to something I dreamed up.  However, ask me to commit to anything that would benefit only myself?  That is a hard sell.  Not just me, but many of you, as well.  I am thinking that now is a good time to change this.

There is this funny balance to having RA.  Move too much (if and when you can) and you pay for it.  Move too little...and you pay for it just the same.  I have been in this limbo for a while where I really cannot exercise, for various reasons.  This week, I was given the go-ahead to start some aerobic activity.  Three minutes per day.  And I am to add a minute each week after as tolerated.  Oh, yeah [I thought]...this, I can do!  

Not so fast there mama!  And it gets better.

You see.  Not only are women blessed to be reminded each and every month for a predetermined sentence period (no pun intended!) that they are the stronger gender; able to endure great hormonal shifts (i.e. well handled mood swings!), severe cramping, inconvenience (that like no man has ever known or would be able to handle!).Women are also blessed to endure...childbirth!  Our bodies, after some time (and sometimes, bigger babies)...notsomuch.  Things literally can and will start to...fall out?  I won that lottery.

Long story short, until I get this taken care of, no aerobic activity for me.  In fact, standing for too long to do practically anything, reminds me of this.  Along with laughing, coughing or sneezing while standing.

I will not be defeated.  Get out the birthing ball!!  Nothing can fall out if I am sitting down!  I hope.

Back on the ball again. It is time to start getting those core muscles in shape and try to rebuild and build-up some of those muscles that steroids have really started to take their tole on.  I have to get myself a bit stronger before my "reconstructive" surgery (some women get tummy tucks or boob jobs when they hit 40...me?  Well, won't this be fun!  It will be a different kind of Lift & Tuck/High & Tight!).  If a simple cold can take me down for a month,I can't imagine that surgery will have a better effect on me.

And it gets even better.  I am going to work some resistance bands.  This should be fun.  I have very little strength in my arms and hands.  I imagine this not going very well.  If you run into me in public and notice any red welts, know it didn't go very well!  Maybe, I could video tape this and become a YouTube sensation.  "Girl on Birthing Ball Loses Balance and Falls Off While Getting Slapped With Resistance Bands (that most likely snapped due to their old age)".  I can totally see it now.  Except, there will be NO video.  Ever.  Period.

So, here we are again folks.  Another promise to myself.  This could turn out to be the most catastrophic promise I have made to date.  Three minutes a day on the birthing ball...with resistance bands (with limited balance and strength on my part).  This should be so damn good.

Perhaps I should change back to drinking lots of water in a day....

Party In My Closet

I just had a party in my closet.  At 7:00 a.m. I woke up and decided to try the scale.  Holy crap!  Another 5lbs! FIVE!  I usually don't get excited about this until I see it stick for a couple weeks.  But after the jeans episode this weekend (I was surprised to find that I could glide into them effortlessly), I decided that I should just check.  Five pounds.  Gone. Zapped.

This was the kind of party where only I can hear the awesome music, because it's all in my head.  This time I let my fingers skip over the "safe" tops and shirts and stop on the "If only" ones.  A couple of them fit so well that they were almost a bit too big in some areas.  I was stunned.  There was a day that I would pull them on with great hope and know before they got over my head that it was going to be a sad fit.  Now, I wondered if they were even the same shirts.  I pulled on another.  This one fit better, but not quite right.  Yet.  I have decided that this will be the one I will wear for Thanksgiving.  The feeling I had was entirely different than the last time I tried it on.  I was optimistic.  I can do this.

Then, I looked down at my feet and ankles.  Hello there!  I have toes, not sausages.  And LOOK!  There's my ankle bone.  Oh!  Wowwee!  Check out those beautiful bulging veins!  Let's try those cute slip on Sketchers that haven't fit in over a year.  YES!  There is actually loose skin that wrinkles up when I flex my feet.  I love it.  Because it reminds me of how swollen my feet have been for so long. 

I invite my loving husband to the party.  "Look!", I tell him.  He's excited, but not nearly as much as I am.  He's more concerned about how badly my hands have been hurting and wonders why my feet are so much better.  I don't want to ruin the mood by admitting that, although my feet look a-may-zing!, they are still very painful.  Why worry him?  I have come to terms with the facts.  This is what life is like.  What it will be like. It has taken me a long time to truly accept this. And this is my body.  To ask or expect him to accept it at this point is unrealistic.  I encourage him to check out my curves and I stick out my right foot for him to admire once more.  How I wish I could call my girlfriends, but it is too early.  They would get this and not make it heavy with well intended worry.

If only.  If only I could get off these pesky steroids.  Weight loss and body shaping would happen with greater ease.  Even the doc told me this last week.  "Your blood pressure is down (something I have NEVER struggled with. It has always been crazy low.  Until RA & steroids.) and your weight is down.  That is great.  I want you to loose a lot more weight though.  And that will happen if we can get you off the steroids and get you moving more.  But for now, we can't get you moving more until we get everything else under control.  Once that happens, you will find the weight coming off faster.  For now, South Beach lifestyle and patience.".  You got it, doc.  We are on the same page.  For now.  For now, the steroids stick.  I am on a dose that doesn't mask the pain, but allows me to move.  I could take more, but I don't want to.  I want to get off of them.  I love steroids and I hate them at the same time. 

In the meantime, party in my closet.  :0)