Shoe Stress

When you are fat/obese/overweight/large/big-boned or whatever you want to call it, there are restrictions on fashion.  I personally believe that there is a certain point where anything spandex should not be an option(the exception being when we are exercising and working to shed those L B S's!~).  And if you choose to wear a thong or g-string, you should be sure that the strings are visible...and not lost in the folds of beautiful fat.  Those are rules that I have set for myself.  If, by some chance you feel good wearing these items, then by all means, go for it. 

I have been fortunate (or unfortunate) to be on both sides of the scale.  At one point in my life,the numbers on the scale weren't an issue.  Pretty much the only time they affected me was when girlfriends would talk about what they weighed.  I may have checked then.  Honestly, I was so over the diet/scale talk since in my house, my parents were serial yo-yo diet offenders.  I had no intentions of following in their footsteps.

Going clothes shopping was fun and I never thought twice about what size to pull from the rack.  Crazy enough, the fashion at that time was...HUGE!  Meaning, you wore your father's t-shirts and pulled your pants down onto your hips.  Then,  Hammer pants were all the rage with cropped tops.  After graduation, grunge was the in-thing.  I wore it all.  And what a WASTE!  Those styles hid a figure I had no reason to be ashamed of (though I am sure I wasn't in love with at least one part of my body!).

For more than 15 years, clothes shopping is not fun.  When you are overweight, the options and styles are fewer.  We are not all shaped the same and sometimes, it can feel like you are wearing a tent.  Or worse, that all anybody thinks is that a tent is all you deserve to wear. I am picky and when I am out, I do not want to be wearing anything with an elastic band! So it is terribly hard for me to dress this body.  There are some favorites...Target has jeans that come in SHORT sizes!  Though, I am limited to color and style(that is not the case if you are a size 16 or smaller!).  But they fit and I don't have to cut off the length.  That is important, since my shoe selection has recently been limited as well.  Kohls also has a wonderful selection.  Most times, I can go there knowing that I will find something I like, that fits!

Of all my close friends, there is only one that I can think of that loves shoes as much as or more than I do.  I simply love shoes.  And while in the past I was limited slightly because of knee issues, I would always find a cute shoe or boot that I loved.  This is no longer the case.  In the summer, my feet were so swollen that I couldn't fit into ANY shoe.  Even the ugly crock.  Ugh.  Flat shoes are a huge problem, since they offer no support or cushion.  And yes, I have tried the insoles.  They used to work, but not any more.  I know that there are stores out there that offer shoes for people with arthritis.  But they offer no style. Sadly, I may have to succumb to this because quality of life is becoming an issue. 

I understand why the companies that offer these shoes limit style.  I am sure it would be pricey to try and keep up with the trends.  But, for goodness sakes, at this point, I would pay a bit more for a fashionable shoe that I can comfortably wear!  For the first time EVER...I spent over $80 for a pair of shoes.  They offered comfort and some basic style.  I am to the point were I HAVE to spend more on a better made shoe.  But they can't be heals, or too flat, they can't have straps.  Basically, they can't be all too cute.

Tomorrow, we are going on a shopping trip with a large group of close friends.  I will do my damnedest to keep up(a wheelchair is NOT an option for this girl!).  This means, I have to ruin my ensemble by wearing sneakers.  That most likely not get me more than a maximum of 20 minutes at a time on my feet.  But they are my only option.  I feel the same about sneakers with the wrong outfit as I do about spandex and g-strings.  At some point, they should not be worn.

I have overcome the clothing issues.  But my feet...I just can't get around this one.  Sometimes, they hurt to touch.  They hurt so bad that I want nothing more to have them rubbed.  I have learned to not ask, because to have them touched is sometimes unbearable.  I feel like I have overcome and found a way around so much, but this...I just can't.  And for now, there is nothing that can be done.  Except to find that perfect pair of shoes that is not a sneaker. That can make me feel pretty.  That doesn't result in me walking like a 100 year old woman clinging tightly to her husbands arm and trying to hide with each agonizing step, the pain this is most likely written all over her face.

To some, this may seem like such a small issue.  And they are right.  I could just wear sneakers all day(even though they aren't all too much a comfy solution either), every day and be happy that I can still walk, even if for a little bit.   But, there is something about finding that cute, perfect and stylish shoe.

There has been a huge shift in the self-image department for me.  This is the first year, EVER that I included myself in our Christmas card picture.  In the past, I may have been in one, but only close family saw it.  This is who I am.  Steroids and all.  RA and all.  This is me.  Larger than I want to be...but loved more than I have ever been in my life.  Accepted more.  Fat, bloated and slower than ever.  This is who I am.

I don't mind going clothes shopping any longer.  I am sure the 25# loss and shrinking boobs have something to do with it.  But I don't mind it like I used to.  Until, I need to find the perfect pair of shoes.  It is hard not to get a little down when your hair and make-up look great and you have a cute outfit...that you have to finish off with a pair of...sneakers.

Because I want to enjoy my friends and try to get into the holiday spirit, I will lace up the New Balance beauties and suck it up.  At the end of the night, the laughter I am sure to experience will likely be worth the vicodin and day or 2 down with feet elevated.  My search will continue for the perfect shoe.