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Wednesday, December 5, 2012

266.4 Part 2

Wow.  266.4. Not only was that the title of my second blog post, but it was also my weight.  At the time.  Within a year, that number would rise to 278.  Thanks, in part, to steroids.  Talk about feeling like you are fighting a hopeless battle.  Actually, I recall just throwing my arms up, going to the store and buying the biggest pair of jeans I have ever bought in my life.  There could be a mental block here, but I think they were a 22W or a 24W.  Have I ever expressed my dislike for the "W" that follows these "WOMAN'S PLUS SIZE" sizes?  You know, like we really need to see a big fat "W" after the double digits.  I know, WIDE.  Perfect. Let me just tell you, the first time I can fit into anything under a size 16, I a going to leave on EVERY label; even the long sticker they put on one leg.  And then I will leave the house and parade my Non-W ass around town.  Yup.  In the words of my children, I sure as heck will!  In fact, I may swipe a couple stickers from other same-sized jeans so I can slap them all over.  One for each thigh, front AND back!  You betcha!

For a long time, I danced between 275 and 278.  Hoping with everything that I would NEVER see 280.  Exercise was out of the question.  First of all, I couldn't move.  Stiff achy joints combined with 278 make things difficult.  And honestly, I was, well, caught up in a catch 22 for a bit.  At that time, all I had control over was what I put in my mouth.  I knew and know that I am supposed to eat small, frequent snacks/meals (6 times per day).  First of all, I barely ate 2x per day.  I can hear the gasps of disbelief.  But it is true. Fat doesn't always mean over-eater.  I am also supposed to steer clear of carbs (I have PCOS).  And like every mother, I was busy.  And completely overwhelmed and fighting transitions we were encountering as I struggled, along with several doctors to figure out what on earth was happening to me.

The dust is starting to settle and I am beginning to find some sort of normal.  I am starting to settle to, I guess.  Not a depressing settle.  Maybe that is the wrong expression.  Especially for me.  I have never settled.  Could the right word, possibly, be...accept?  Adapt?  I don't know.  But life is different now and we are all rolling with it as best as we can.  What has settled over me/our home is a sense of calm. We are more in control of our time than ever before. And I find that we are terribly protective of it. It's kind of nice.

The meds I hate to take so much, have helped in more ways than one.  I have to eat with them, or I have a VERY angry belly.  So, I do.  I am half way to my 6x per day.  I saw a nutritionist and we made a plan.  In October.  It is now December.  It is a great plan.  However, I have yet to implement that great plan.  Considering what November was like for us in this house, I won't beat myself up over it.

But guess what?  That eating, just 3 times each day...did something.  Because, the other day, at the doctor;s office...I weighed in at 250!  How come there are no CAPS for 250?  Steroids and all.  I weigh less than that original 266.4 that inspired this blog.

I cannot wait to go to the docs one day, soon, step on that scale again and have them NOT have to move that weight block thingy past 200.  They are always kind and start it out at 150...and I always laugh and thank them for the vote of confidence, even though I am sure it is part of their training to do so ;0)

For one week, I am going to once again attempt to make a small change.  I am going to increase my water intake.  I know...I've said it before.  But it's one week.  I CAN DO THIS!  I just proved to myself that small changes can make for a BIG difference.  266.4.  250 :0)

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