Yep. That's me. Pre-coffee & post first morning pee. I woke up, went into the bathroom, dragged out the scale, dusted it off (yes, I had to DUST IT OFF!), took a deep breath and stepped on. 266.4. This is what I weigh. No more denial, no more eluding to friends that I weight quite a bit. It's out there. I will not have to stand there when I run into someone and wonder if they are trying to figure out exactly how fat I am. I told you, no more secrets. This is my biggest one. Recently while in the hospital, you know they ask you your weight, right there, in the open. I made my husband leave the room. Several times. You know, because asking a fat person once isn't humiliating enough. I get it. 266.4. It's "out there" and I've just taken away it's power.
Now, if you are reading this and find yourself disgusted, I don't care. Especially if you are a SBWA (Skinny Bitch With Attitude). I don't have time for you. Don't get me wrong, I do not look at smaller sized people with dislike, unless, of course, you are a SBWA. You see, I feel sorry for you. Because to make myself understand how you could be so, well, cruel, I tell myself that you have bad feet or some serious hoochie issues irritating you so badly that you forget you are human too. I'm just sayin'.
I do, however, have time for my wonderful, beautiful and amazing friends. After reading my very first blog post, several of you responded with such supportive and understanding words. As I opened my email, each message, left tears. AWK, yours came first, and I had to walk away after the first few words. And each one after had the same effect. Some of you, I have known for years, others are newly formed friendships. I am awesome at choosing friends! Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. You have no idea how you have touched my heart and soul. I also want to thank my husband, for suggesting I do such a thing! Although I don't think he figured on my starting with this topic. But he has long thought this would be perfect for me. Miss Mishelle, a heartfelt thanks to you as well for planting the seed and being so helpful. Yes, lets do this together :)
This is perfect for me. I love to help people. I know that I can help so many in this way. Even if just reading my thoughts gives them the feeling that they are not alone. Just as some feelings have great power when expressed, other feelings prove to be very powerful when not expressed. Disgust. Hold that one in for a bit and you are sure to break down, disrespect and self destruct. I hope to motivate and inspire. I also hope to find support and motivation for myself when I need it. I know this will be tough. BUT I'M TOUGHER!!! Grrrrr!!!!!!!!
266.4. That's me....