Monday, March 21, 2011
There was a point where I came out in my old paint clothes and my husband smiled a great smile. He said it was the sexiest thing he'd ever seen. I was coming back to him. I had motivation and a body healthy enough, strong enough to back those ambitions. I was also sporting quite the smile. Because I was feeling fantastic! Not near my best, but far from my worst. For the first time in over a year, I felt more like me.
What has been hard for some to understand is that so much of what I did, had to do prior to this was, to say the least, painful and exhausting. It is not normal to drag yourself to the bathroom. No joke. To lay down for hours because the thought of moving was too much, too exhausting, too painful and ultimately, too depressing. Trust me, if I could have willed myself better, I would have. I am a hard girl to keep down. Never doubt that.
I am sure that there will be days like this in my future. I almost revisited this state this past weekend. I couldn't remember if I had taken one of my weekly medications. Since I wasn't sure, I was advised to wait until the next dose. I wasn't worried since this particular medication takes MONTHS to build up in your system and take effect. Well...it only takes days after your missed dose to start to break down. I noticed I was slowing down, then hurting, then napping. I missed the dose. No question. I will NEVER do that again! What a quick reminder of how lucky I have been to be feeling this good lately. And to know that the meds are working. That's beautiful. I am also thankful for the bi-weekly shots. It's really not so bad. Although, I guess I look like a deer caught in headlights after I push that button. It's ten seconds. It is totally worth it.
Life is good. I feel good. Not perfect, but good. And if I never get any better than I am now, I will be alright with that. That really says so much. You have no idea. The best I can do to explain what I used to feel like...it's like having the flu. Every freaking day!
So, bring on the meds! Bring on the shots! Infuse me! I don't care. I am getting my life back and it feels wonderful. What perfect timing. It's spring.