There was a time where, when the storm was over, I would have read something like I what wrote yesterday and cringe. For many reasons, like sounding weak, pitiful, temper-tantrum-y. I guess I just don't care so much any more. The fact is, this is part of who I am. And if you would like to sit here and tell me you think you could or would handle it better, well then...yay freaking you!. This is no party and there are HUGE learning curves. Life isn't predictable in itself. Life with RA...well, it's kinds willy nilly for me. Bad days are inevitable. And never predicable! I am just thankful that the good days outweigh the bad, overall.
Truth is, I learned a bit yesterday. I allowed myself to break a bit and admit what I had been feeling for a very long time. When I wrote the words, "I want my life back!", tears flowed freely. The dam burst and I understood how badly I had been feeling. More importantly, I admitted to myself how badly I had been feeling. Now I can begin to heal. And when the next temper tantrum comes, I will deal with that one accordingly as well.
The reality of RA is never going to go away. I know that. Doesn't mean I have to like it. I try to find the silver lining. Some days I do and some...not so much. Something else that I have learned, there is nothing that I am writing here that hasn't been thought about by most, at some point in their lives. And my writing it doesn't make me any weaker. I don't do silent well. As my dear husband will tell you, if I am quiet, something is brewing ;)
Tomorrow is another day. One more day away from yesterday and another day to spend with family. That is by far, the best medicine I have ever had!
Happy Easter to you and your families! xo