If someone were to ask me right now what I want for my birthday, the answer would be simple. Making it happen would not. What I want, is to find an envelope in the mailbox addressed to me in my Gram's handwriting. She never forgot, ever. Until the past few years.
It's not for the cash that would fall from the card when I opened it. It's for the joy I felt when I saw her writing. When she addressed me as "Ra Ra" in the card. And for the lingering scent only Gram's house had, still infused in the card. As though she had written it using a scented pen called Gram's House. Sometimes she would draw vines with little flowers growing on them. I still do that sometimes. I miss her so much. She is still here and I miss her so damn much.
My children love and miss her too. Alec was away at his Grandparents house for a couple days and came back with several drawings. One, he made for Great Gram. Little does he know, as tight as their bond is, he is slipping from her memory too. She is that amazing. He is five and she made such an impression on my little man in his earliest years and he talks about her often. I want her back.
On my birthday, I will go to her. Not that my birthday is all that special, but because she made me feel that way; every time she spoke to me and held me. It's my chance to return the favor. I can't think of a better way to spend the day than to let her know how special she is to me. Even if she recalls the time for only a brief moment. Because I understand that someday, it will be more than a card I am wishing for...