Pushing Through

Can't sleep. It is 5:30 am and I have been laying in bed, awake since before 3am. This has been going on for awhile. I wake up with my joints aching and can't get back to sleep. I lay there rotating my ankles and stretching my feet and legs out. The lower joint pain has been going on for a long time, what's more recent is the ALL OVER joint paint. I have decided to go with the cortisone shots. I have been putting this off for a year now. I kept thinking, "just let me get some of this weight off and I am sure I'll find some relief." Nope. There seems to be this vicious cycle going on. I attempt to work out and my joints hurt so badly, I stop. Do some yard work and at the end of the night, I am in so much pain. As long as I am in motion, it's not so bad. It's when I stop. I sit there dreading having to get up because the pain is rough. The medicine I have been prescribed is no help at all. So I will have them inject my foot area with the hopes that I can at least tolerate exercise as well as normal daily activity. That's the plan for now.

This hasn't changed my plans for a healthier me though. I still haven't lost my first five, but that's alright. I am still learning. Yesterday, something amazing happened...I was in this house WITHOUT a single child! OMG! Great! Because I was on a mission. Fix the lawn mower. So for the most part, while I was child-free, I was removing parts, looking up parts, shopping for parts. The children arrived just in time for me to reinstall the parts. I fixed the lawn mower! So, of course, I HAD to mow the lawn, which turned into raking the yard, trimming and burning sticks. Before I knew it, it was 8pm. Nobody had eaten dinner. Because nobody fixed dinner. So, we went out for dinner. I should also mention that I hadn't eaten all day. This is typical for me when I don't pay attention. I just keep going and try to squeeze in everything I can, except time for me to nourish myself. I'll stop to feed the kids, but then, I jump right back into what I was doing. In my mind, there is no time to stop. My life is constantly in a you never know what is going to happen state. So I try to make the most of the time I have.

We went to Applebee's. All I could think of on the way there was the Chicken Quesadilla. I was so hungry I could taste it. Never mind the wonderful healthier menu choices they have. My hunger took over. My mind agreed. Chicken Quesadilla it is. Oh, but then, my sister ordered French Onion soup. A favorite of mine. I almost ordered a salad and at the last minute, my deprived belly called out, "I'll have the French onion too, please!". Darn it! I had been doing so much better. I don't even allow myself pop any more. I hate diet pop and I am pretty touchy about water. Too many times I order water, only to find it tastes awful and inevitably drink from my hubby's glass or order pop. However, I have always loved unsweetened iced tea and order that where it is available. I ordered it last night as well. It so refreshing.

I understand that the queadilla was not the best choice. But the addition of the French Onion soup was just bad. So, it came out and I looked down at it and ate two spoonfuls and pushed it off to the side. I couldn't do it. I knew I ordered without thinking it through better. I was already treating myself to a dinner out and quesadillas. That was enough and I needed to be in control. My daughter discovered that she likes French onion soup too. She really enjoyed it and I was content with that.

Thinking back, I was extremely thirsty when I first started dreaming about what I would eat. I should have stopped and had some water before we left. I was also extremely hungry (remember, no food ALL day). We always have plenty of fruit in the house. I should have grabbed a banana or something to eat on the way. Even a handful of nuts would have been smart. I'm not beating myself up over this though. Although what I did was mindless at first, I did stop and think about it before eating the soup. That's progress in my book. I see the importance of eating throughout the day.

My life is crazy busy. That's not going to change any time soon. It is a pace I am comfortable with and don't know if I could function any other way. Small changes, tweaking here and there is the way I need to do this. I have met several challenges in the short time I have been doing this, all of them taking me to a new level. I'll find my way through this most recent challenge (joint issues), but it doesn't mean I have to stop what I am doing. There are so many changes that I have to make if I want this to be a life long change. Working out is important, but it is not the only key to success. My success.

I would like to acknowledge a friend here for her great efforts in working out. Way to go Mishelle!!! I think of you all the time and how awesome you must be feeling in every way! Soon enough, I will be on your tail girl!! So proud and so thankful to call you friend! And another I am thankful to call friend, Ironmamma! Ride like the wind baby!